Today and yesterday I have been feeling more than a little smug. Not any old smug. Jessica Fletcher smug. This is because I have been observant over the last year, and I have been curious over the last year. It all accumulated yesterday, a whole years worth of curiosity and observations, of collecting information, storing it in the filing cabinet of my mind and flicking through it from time to time. Oh it is all too good to be true! I knew I had it in me to be a great detective. Mandi Goodier BA Hons P.I., lettraset onto the frosted glass panel of a great brown door; 1st floor of a lone brownstone in DUMBO, over looking Manhattan; sniffing out scum in the air; talking like I have a bad hangover and have smoked fifty cigarettes simultaneously- because that is how I roll; bitter at being kicked off the police force for corruption (I was framed damn it!); hiding in the shadows; invisible; my lone friend a note book (wait a minute...) Yes, yes that is my life now.
I am a police detective. I have been on his case for years, I knew he was a scumbag, a low life, a down right rotten weasel, a dog, a snake, a shark, yes he was all the animals alright. All the bad points of all the animals, I just had to prove it. All it took was that final jigsaw piece, the ultimate lego brick, for Mr. Chips to remove the last mask from the screen. It is removed and now the whole scene makes sense. And I got it! I got him! He is going down for life! (No policing work has taken place over the last year, the crime I uncovered was not actually a crime, no one is going down. No one is any other animal than a human being. But that is how I felt.)
A secret is uncovered and you are all itching to know. Well... Sorry it is a secret. I must protect the identity of its owner. But feel proud of my sleuthing skills. Know that the world is a better place with my watchful eye. And if you have a secret (deep hushed rumbling voice full of peril) Be afraid... be very afraid. Or just be a little more careful where you leave your clues in future.
I have to thank for such a great discovery: my over active imagination, the devil (making work for idle hands), the internet, boredom, the dole office, the current economic climate, having way too much time on my hands, the author/s of all those great 'Mystery Kids' books I was hooked to when I was a child, my friends in manchester for encouraging and helping develop my imagination, (my friends really are something!) Fate, chance, opportunity and a few clues 'accidently' left lying around. Oh and Blogs!
(It is a shame that no one is actually paying for this case...Or cares that much...)
Here are some quotes from a casual observer of my new found talent...
"You are amazing,"
"I can't believe you figured that out,"
"You're a genius,"
"You are a detective supreme,"
"It all makes sense,"
New career path ahead? It is appealing, and all shadows, noir, trilby hats and macks, wiskey and cigarettes, pretty stylish, a little bit sexy, but after reading New York Trilogy, it is far too risky a game...
House arrest is not living and sending me more than a little nuts!
("Ize of the World", I love how that song builds up to 1.45 in. It is a yes moment in music!)
Labels: not living