The I that lies...

For me to say I is problematic as I can only know as I have come to understand. I will not and cannot presuppose your knowledge. So where can another fit into I? It is single, alone, all-one. To force another to say I through that which I scribe causes a displacement. It passes into the realm of the other, the unknown. It is claimed by someone else and it is no longer mine. It requires the unknown other to draw from their own experiences and take the ownership of the I from me. Perhaps then, this is where we can become a collective, a we or an us. Although the letters w and e do not touch they stand together to form a comprehensible concept of togetherness. The unknown I find within myself and consequently others may become united through the use of the word I. Stood together because of subjectivity and singularity.
If I did have anything to say it perhaps should merely have been this: What can I say? And maybe the depth of différance within the response, the antecedence of the personal pronoun, the implications of the shifter, could have given us all some fat to chew on for a while.


***aside. A deconstruction of self. A presupposition of the speaking being.
As I entered into your language my mind was washed with nothingness. I had forgotten the thing that I was searching for and so I began to look for clues to help me remember. The clues that I found were ambiguous; they were surfaces for me to rub myself against in order to test whether I existed; they enabled a space for me to contort myself into. Although it is quite possible that one of these spaces had been made for me, I felt uncertain and thought perhaps that it was best not to claim any of them until I am sure that they aren't already inhabited by others (possibly out to lunch, visiting a family member in hospital, or holidaying in Spain). I suppose I could ask you about these spaces, but I am struggling to think of an example. The only thing I can recall is that I misread girth as girl. Upon reading it again I smiled. I didn't know whether to wrap my arms around your waist or to sit on you, neither is possible as you are supine when it comes to irrational outbursts of lust and/or desire. This is a bad example, but the fact that it is an example means that it cannot serve in it's particularity, it is in a paradoxical position of 'it is but it isn't(ness)', for which I am quite grateful as this renders me golden. I go out of my way to build spaces, it is an inevitable construct of language, yet I am uncertain who I may find loitering in these words. Every time I look, it is a concept of you, but when my back is turned I am unknown as is you.



(Possessing the I of a song)